Ed note: Talking to your children about how to face their challenges may have an enormous impact on their adult life. Marinés Duarte gives us some tips on how teach your children strategies that will help them overcome challenges, from childhood through the rest of their lives. Leer en español.
Being a mother is the best job in the world, and it is full of happy moments that give meaning to our lives. But there are also a lot of difficult situations where we see our children suffer.
It might be the first day at daycare or the first time their heart is broken, but we can’t do much because these are growth stages they have to experience. It’s our job to support them, not prevent these difficult situations.
What can we do to make those complicated times lighter for them? Here are some ideas!
Evaluate the situation: How serious is it for the children? How do they feel when they are left at daycare or when they are the target of teasing? Whatever the situation, don’t give it more importance than it has but also don’t downplay it or take away its importance to the child. If someone makes fun of your child at school, it may not be a big deal to you, but it is to them. Put yourself in their shoes and try to assess the situation as they see it.
Talk about it: If you leave the house, explain to your children that you will be gone only for a little while, that you will return in a couple of hours, that nothing bad is going to happen, and that they will spend some time with their grandmother or babysitter. If you leave them at daycare, stay with them a few minutes until they feel comfortable with another child, a babysitter, or even a toy. If the problem is something that has happened at school, talk about what happened and about their feelings about it; consider their perspective and help them not to take it so badly. If your child is still very small, act firmly without him sensing that you are wavering. Leave him with a new toy to entertain himself, but never hide yourself. I know that as a mother, you would do anything to avoid these times, but the bad experiences can help strengthen them and help them grow.
Make it up by giving a little gift: If you are leaving your child to go out to dinner, leave him a little gift or a new toy (it doesn’t have to be expensive, it can be crayons, a puzzle, or a movie). If someone has broken their heart, give them something to show them that they will always be the love of your life. It can be candy, a special meal, a note in their lunch box or something you made with your own hands. The gift doesn’t have to be anything major or expensive but a little gift that shows them your love.
Spend time alone: Make them feel special by doing something that they like to do together. Depending on the age of your child, you could go to the park together, go window shopping and play your favorite game. End the day by playing a game as a family—a good dose of laughter will erase any discontent.
Laugh and share your own experiences: Ideal for children who are a little older (5-6 years and up). Share difficult moments from your own life with them. They can be serious or the most ridiculous and embarrassing memories, which, at a distance, can make both of you laugh and show your child that nothing bad lasts for a 100 years and that everything in life passes…and that a lot of what he or she is experiencing now, you have experienced it and have survived.
Friend, remember that every difficult time in our children’s lives is a tool for them to grow and become strong. As mothers, we need to help them face these circumstances, but never prevent them, no matter how difficult it is for us. Good luck!
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